By Keishia Lee-Louis
Ask the Marriage Maven: Help! My Husband's Buddies are Butting
into My Marriage
Q. My husband always wants to hang out with his “boys”. He
to hang out with them a lot before we got married, and I
that after we got married things would change and that he’d
to spend more time with me. Wrong!
It would be different if they did something productive, but
they do is sit around watching TV, playing video games, and
listening to music. None of them have wives or serious
girlfriends, except my husband— so I know they talk about
We’ve only been married a year, and I already feel like we’re
slipping into an old married couple relationship. A lot of
fussing--and not much good communication. I’m afraid we won’t
make it past year two. What can I do to make him want to spend
more time with me?
A. It is important that you and your husband spend a good
amount of time together, especially as you guys are still
learning what marriage is all about. But breaking up the boys
club could be disastrous to your marriage. So I would not
recommend telling your husband to cut his friends off
completely, unless they are encouraging him to be unfaithful
you or contributing to addictive behaviors.
I know it can be annoying if your husband seems like he’d
rather spend time with his buddies instead of you, but you’ll
need to give him some rope. Whatever you do, don’t nag him
about his time with his friends and let it be a constant
of bickering. Be clear that you want to spend more time with
him, but let your actions be positive.
Here are three positive actions you can take:
1. Encourage the boys to meet in your house. Make his friends
feel welcome in your home, make snacks (if you like to cook),
and give them room to do their thing.
2. Suggest regular dates with your husband. Fill his social
calendar at least once or twice a week with a planned activity
that you two can share together. These dates don’t have to be
expensive or overly involved. They can be as simple as a walk
in the park or coffee at you local coffee shop. You can
initiate until he feels the need to do more of the planning.
3. Another solution would be to set his friends up. I know
it’s a little sneaky and risky, but it can work. If they’re
two or three of them, have monthly mixers (or get-togethers)
your home with them and some of your single girlfriends. Who
knows, they may hit it off, thereby freeing up some of your
A combination of these three suggestions, will probably work
best. They’ll broaden your social life and deepen your
relationship with each other. I hope these ideas have been
helpful. I’m wishing you all the best in your marriage!
About The Author: Keishia Lee-Louis is the Editor and
of www.Married4Good.com Her work has appeared on
iVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and in numerous other
printed publications. Currently, she lives with her husband,
daughter and son in metro Atlanta and is writing a book on
marriage and relationships, which will be published Spring