By Terry Ross
Married with kids? Lost the romance in your life? Have
moments and uninterrupted lovemaking become a thing of the
Do you sometimes wonder if you ever knew each other and do you
just yearn for the odd candlelit dinner, special moment in
front of a roaring fire or just an evening with your feet up
With the children around have you just forgotten what itís
to have some good adult fun?
So often you hear stories of the great love life that once was
and that has just become a distant memory after years of
putting the children first. If life is beginning to get you
down and you are in desperate need of some light adult relief
now is the time to make an effort and get some personal and
relationship time back into your life.
If you are faking sexual enjoyment or constantly saying no
because you have lost the time, energy and desire now is the
time to put your marriage first and resolve one of those
marriage problems that can develop into real relationship
My advice to couples that are struggling with the intimate
of their marriage is to rearrange the priorities in their
Make time to be together, no matter how much you love your
children you need time without them, time to enjoy adult
company and time to be alone.
Your marriage needs to move up your list of priorities, donít
wait for spontaneity, it just isnít going to happen, when can
it when the children are around? Learn to plan time together,
arrange for someone else to look after the kids, plan for all
your children to be visiting friends at the same time, have a
reciprocal arrangement with friends or neighbours which allows
you both to have some relationship time. Look at summer camps
and kids clubs and any other activities that your children
enjoy leaving you free and relaxed to enjoy each others
Couples with children often become concerned about the loss of
intimacy, the relaxed lovemaking and romantic evenings they
enjoyed earlier in their marriage. It's a common marriage
problem but certainly not impossible to resolve.
Donít just assume that once the kids have grown up you will be
able to work on your marriage. I can tell you for sure it just
wonít happen. Just look at the number of marriages that end in
divorce once the children left home and look at the number of
loveless lonely marriages that exist just for the sake of the
Your children are precious and should be cherished and adored
but your relationship is where it all started, where the love
between you and your partner created such special lives. Donít
let the balance swing towards your children at the expense of
your marriage. Your children donít need you 24/7 they need to
know that you are there if they need you. If you asked them
would they really begrudge the time that you need to give to
your relationship if they knew that they would have two
rather than one!
Is not making time for each other really that good for the
when it means you are constantly arguing, not speaking or
avoiding each other because youíve let your marriage go to the
dogs? Becoming parents shouldnít mean no romance, no love and
no sex, it just means you need to learn to make time for those
intimate moments that could ultimately lighten up your life
save your marriage.
For a start, make sure you make time each day for cuddle, even
if itís ten minutes after the children have gone to bed.
kiss each other hello and goodbye, caress each other as you
(the odd fleeting caress when the children arenít looking is
exciting and can heighten desire, it will focus your mind
beyond the more mundane chores that come with parenthood).
Flirt with each other, rent a romantic movie and watch it
the kids have gone to bed. Plan to be alone for the odd
afternoon or even a weekend.
Schedule personnel time, get your hair done, go shopping for
yourself not the kids, by the odd present for your partner, do
all those things that used to make you feel special.
If you feel good about yourself you will feel good about your
relationship and if you feel good about your relationship you
will spend more time focusing on how to get time alone and
to do when it happens. Who needs spontaneity when less time
together means that every moment is that much more specialÖÖ
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