By Terry Ross
Jealousy in marriage is destructive, a real relationship
and one of those common marriage problems that needs to be
In you let feelings of jealousy develop and escalate the mind
will run wild, imagine the enemy around every corner, question
everything your partner thinks, says and does. In worst case
scenario’s unresolved and unchecked jealousy has developed
beyond the end of a relationship, into a long-term vendetta
in extreme cases extended to the loss of life.
As much as we would like to deny it, most people struggle with
jealous emotions at some point in their lives and, in
it is a one of those common marriage problems that can develop
from feelings of insecurity or neglect.
We now live in a society where marriages are often as a result
of a second, a fifth or any number of relationships and are,
many cases, second or subsequent marriages. This is just
as we now know it but it can leave spouses insecure,
when a previous partner is still around, and particularly in
the case when children are involved.
People can enter into marriages with so much previous baggage
that it often hard to settle into a secure, trusting
environment full of self worth and self-belief.
Marital jealousy develops from numerous situations and no
matter how much you try and tell yourself there is no need for
concern your mind just doesn’t listen and all the while your
partner continues with the behaviour that is instilling the
feeling of insecurity throughout your very soul.
• Some people are natural flirts who draw the opposite sex
magnets, which, once the ring is on the finger, leaves
totally insecure and just waiting for the moment when they are
dumped for the next person that comes along. The partner who
flirts often has no idea what impact their actions have on
their relationship. They don’t actually believe that they are
doing anything wrongs but perceive their actions to be
and not harmful.
• No one could ever be accused of being unnecessarily jealous
in the case of infidelity beyond which, if the marriage
survives (and in many instances they do), strong measures need
to be put in place to enable the cheated partner come to trust
their partner again and control the feeling of jealousy.
• Following the break up of a marriage children need to feel
that the split isn’t as a result of anything that they have
done. This leaves parents over protective, desperate to make
amends for one parent environment and often at the expense of
• Another of the common marriage problems is that husbands
neglected when a new baby arrives no matter how much they
the child in the first place. A baby’s mere existence is
life changing with more attention towards the child and a
complete ‘nose dive’ in marital relations. With the bond
between mother and child being that much closer it can leave
fathers feeling neglected, unwanted and a total spare part.
With friends of mine the jealousy actually worked the other
with the wife feeling totally trapped after the birth of their
first child and her husband spending all his time looking
the baby. She just yearned for the life they had prior to
children when they enjoyed a good social life and spent all
their free time together.
• Too much time at work can leave your partner feeling very
insecure, especially when your hours at work increase and you
spend less and less time at home for the sake of your family
but if we think about it is it really for the sake of the
People get fixated on their goals and have no concept on how
this is perceived or how it impacts on their relationship and
their family life.
Without the 100% backing of both parties, long hours and
continuous travel can prove to be a real relationship killer
and, if left unchecked, one of those common marriage problems
from which there is no return.
The list is endless and jealousy in and of itself is not a bad
thing, it’s strong indication that you really care. The main
thing we need to remember is not to let the jealousy consume,
arouse fury and become destructive.
If you are suffering from feelings of jealousy look at the
cause, question your feelings and determine whether they have
any foundation. Is your partner actually doing anything wrong,
have they really done anything to drive your jealous emotions
or have you just let your emotions spiral out of control.
If the fault is on your side, learning to recognise the fact
the first step towards controlling such an emotional and
destructive thought process. It allows you to discuss your
fears with your partner, explain how you feel and seek there
help in enabling you to over come your jealous emotions,
strengthen your marriage and build a more solid foundation for
Communication is the foundation to marital success. If you can
learn to communicate then you can express your emotions in a
non-confrontational, non-accusatory, understanding and
Don’t just blurt your fears out such as ‘I think you are
an affair’ it might not be true and it will just add fuel to
fire. Explain that something seems to have changed in your
relationship, explain what has changed and what makes you
your marriage is different, don’t blame, don’t get emotional
just explain to your spouse what is going through your head
seek their help in trying to sort it out.
One of the most common marriage problems is expecting our
partners to always know what we want and how we feel. But even
with a ring on our finger we aren’t always mind readers, if we
haven’t communicated our feelings and our partner doesn’t know
they have, in our eyes, done something wrong, how do we expect
them to do anything about it!
Tell them now, save your marriage before its too late. You
everything to gain and nothing to lose. Even if the answer
what you want to hear knowledge is power and with knowledge
comes the ability to turn your life around.
About The Author: Common Marriage Problems