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By Michelle Annese
Still looking for a special someone? Just be sure to keep
yourself safe. Here are ten ways to find love for your heart
but keep your personal protection on your mind.
1. Watch out for someone who seems too good to be true. Begin
by communicating solely by email, then look for odd behavior
or
inconsistencies. The person at the other end may not be who or
what he says he is. Trust your instincts. If anything makes
you
uncomfortable, walk away for your safety and protection.
2. Make sure all contact on a member site takes place through
a
double-blind system, ensuring your true identity is protected
until you decide to reveal it. Never include your last name,
home address, phone number, place of employment, email address
or any other identifying information in your profile or
initial
messages. When corresponding with someone, turn off your email
signature file. Stop communicating with anyone who puts
pressure on you for personal information or attempts in any
way
to trick you into revealing it.
3. Cautious decisions will result in a better dating
experience. Be sure to protect yourself against trusting the
untrustworthy; potential boyfriends must earn your trust
gradually over time, through consistently honorable,
straightforward behavior. Take all the time you need to
investigate for a straightforward person and pay careful
attention along the way. If you suspect someone is lying, he
probably is, so act accordingly. Be responsible about romance,
your heart will thank you. Don’t become prematurely intimate
with someone, even if that intimacy only occurs online. If you
mutually decide to cross the point of no return, be smart and
protect yourself. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention (www.cdc.gov/ ) provide some of the most
current information available about sexually transmitted
diseases and preserving your health.
4. Most online dating services do not require members to
submit
to background checks. So make sure you get as much info as
possible by asking questions, utilizing internet search
engines
and most importantly, using common sense. Nothing is 100%
reliable, just remember to use your head…not just your heart.
5. A photo will give you a good idea of the person’s
appearance, which may prove helpful in achieving a gut
feeling.
In fact, it’s best to view several images of someone in
various
settings: casual, formal, indoor and outdoors. If all you hear
are excuses about why you can’t see a photo, consider that he
has something to hide.
6. A phone call can reveal much about a person’s communication
and social skills. Consider your security and do not reveal
your phone number to a stranger. Try a cell phone number
instead or use local telephone blocking techniques to prevent
your phone number from appearing on a Caller ID. Give out your
phone number ONLY when you feel completely comfortable.
7. The beauty of meeting someone online is that you can
collect
information gradually, later choosing whether to pursue the
relationship in the offline world. You never are obligated to
meet anyone, regardless of your level on online intimacy. And
even if you decide to arrange a meeting, you always have the
right to change your mind. It’s possible that your decision to
keep the relationship anonymous is based on a hunch that you
can’t logically explain. Trust yourself. Go with your
instincts
8. Pay attention to displays of anger, intense frustration or
attempts to pressure or control you. Acting in a
passive-aggressive manner, making demeaning or disrespectful
comments or any physically inappropriate behavior are all red
flags. You should be concerned if your date exhibits any of
the
following behavior without providing an acceptable
explanation:
Provides inconsistent information about age, interests,
appearance, marital status, profession, employment, etc.
Refuses to speak to you on the phone after establishing
ongoing, online intimacy. Fails to provide direct answers to
direct questions. Appears significantly different in person
from his or her online persona. Never introduces you to
friends, professional associates or family members.
9. When you choose to meet offline, always tell friends where
you are going and when you will return. Leave your date's name
and telephone number with a friend. Never arrange for your
date
to pick you up at home. Provide your own transportation, meet
in
a public place at a time with many people around (a familiar
restaurant or coffee house is often a good choice), and when
the date is over, leave on your own as well. Refrain from
drinking excessively, as it could weaken your ability to make
good decisions. If at some point you and your date decide to
move to another location, take your own car. When the timing
is
right thank your date for getting together and say goodbye
10. If you plan to fly in from another city, arrange for your
own car and hotel room. Do not make known the name of your
hotel and never allow your date to make arrangements for you.
Get a rental car at the airport and drive directly to your
hotel. Always call your date from the hotel. You can also
check
out the location you both agreed to meet at ahead of time to
see
exactly where it is and to get more familiar with an area . If
the location seems inappropriate or unsafe, go back to your
hotel. Try to contact your date at that location or leave a
message on an answering machine. Always make sure a friend or
family member knows your plans and has your contact
information. And carry a cell phone at all times.
Never do anything you feel unsure about. If you are in any way
afraid of your date, use your best judgment to diffuse the
situation and get out of there. Excuse yourself long enough to
call a friend for advice, ask someone else on the scene for
help or slip out the back door and drive away. If you feel you
are in danger, call the police; it’s always better to be safe
than sorry. Never worry or feel embarrassed about your
behavior; your safety is much more important than one person’s
opinion of you.
While cheaters, liars and frauds certainly can be very
convincing on the Web, you’ll also find them in nightclubs and
offline dating services, parties or even sitting across from
you at your local coffee house. Despite where you meet
someone,
dating is never risk-free, but a little caution will reduce
your
risk to your safety when trying to find that certain someone
for
your heart.
About The Author: Michelle Annese, “The Diva of Defense™” is a
self defense instructor, consultant, speaker, author, and
copywriter. With a third degree black belt and inductee into
the World Martial Arts Hall of Fame, Ms. Annese is a safety
advocate teaching thousands each year in school talks, special
events and assemblies in elementary, high schools, and
colleges
nationwide. She is also the author of the book: “101 Self
Defense Strategies” and creator of the programs “Diva Defense
Training” and “The SafeGuard System for Kids”. Complete
information on Michelle Annese’s books and other services
offered is available from her web site
www.michelleannese.com . And while there, don't forget
to subscribe to her FREE weekly Ezine!
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