By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
There is a wonderful anachronism for FEAR:
Much of the fear in our lives is based on false evidence.
Our bodies are designed to respond with the fight or flight
mechanism to real and present danger - such as being
attacked. In the face of real and present danger, the
flows and the blood drains out of our organs and brain and
our limbs to prepare us for fight or flight.
Yet many people spend much of their time in the anxiety and
stress of fight or flight when there is no real and present
danger. This is because the body responds the same way to
imagined danger as it does to real danger. The body thinks
the false evidence coming from our thoughts is real.
This constant state of fear and anxiety often leads to various
addictions in the hope of numbing out the difficult feelings.
Food, alcohol, drugs, nicotine, gambling, sex, TV, shopping,
approval, attention, work, anger, rage, violence to self and
others – all can be used in attempts to block out painful
Yet, the addictions themselves are an abandonment of self, in
that they are not a healthy and loving way of dealing with
painful feelings. And it is self-abandonment that causes the
most fear, anxiety, and depression.
Thus, many people are caught in a very negative circle based
• Thinking negative thoughts about the future - about
rejection, failure, loss of others, loss of self, loss of
– creates fear in the body and is an abandonment of self.
We are abandoning ourselves when we allow ourselves to make up
thoughts about the future that scare us. This would be like
saying to a child, “You are going to end up alone. No one will
ever love you. You will be out on the streets with no food and
no help.” Saying this to a child would be considered child
abuse, yet many people tell these same things to themselves
over and over when there is no objective truth to these
• Once we have created fear with our negative thinking, we try
to avoid the fear with our various addictions.
Avoid responsibility for creating our fear by turning to
addictions is another self-abandonment. This is like offering
frightened child a cookie instead of addressing the source of
the fear. The self-abandonment creates deep inner emptiness
aloneness, which perpetuates the addictive behavior. It also
creates neediness, leading to pulling on others for love,
approval and attention.
• Addictive behavior perpetuates the original fears – an
endless vicious circle of self-abandonment.
MOVING BEYOND FEAR AND ADDICTION
There really is a way out of this! While the process of moving
beyond fear and addiction is simple, it is not easy. It takes
deep commitment and devotion to your peace and joy.
1) Choose the willingness to feel your painful feelings and
take responsibility for creating them, rather than continue
avoiding them with your various addictions. It is only when
are willing to be with your feelings rather than avoid them
you can learn about how you are creating your own pain.
2) Consciously decide that you want to learn about what you
thinking or doing that is causing your pain.
3) Dialogue with the part of you that is in fear and pain -
can think of this feeling part of you of a child within –
how you are causing the pain. Discover your thoughts and
actions that are causing your pain.
4) Open to learning with a Higher Power – your own highest
wisest self, an inner teacher or mentor, a guardian angel, God
– about what is the truth regarding your negative thinking and
what the loving action is toward yourself.
5) Take the loving action for yourself that you are guided to
do in Step 4.
6) Notice how you feel. If you feel more peaceful, then you
know that you have taken loving action. If not, then you need
to go back through these steps to discover another loving
This six-step process is called Inner Bonding®. We offer a
Inner Bonding course at www.innerbonding.com.
About The Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
You” and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing
process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a
Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or email her
at mailto:email@example.com. Phone Sessions.